Team Fortress 2 Classified - Team Fortress 30th
Once, there was nothing. The desktop computer was a cold and uninviting appliance, fit only to receive suspicious emails from deposed African royalty and occasionally...
WRITING
I have done extensive promo writing for Team Fortress 2 Classified, Eminoma Team's standalone mod project based on the video game Team Fortress 2. My contributions include update page and blog post copy, in-game text and voiced dialogue, and screenwriting/editing for promo trailers and comics.
Orson's Ordinary Tales (Comic)
(Writing)
TF2 Classified - Play Now on Steam
Hi! Yeah, this is weird for us too. After an exhausting year of porting, which followed an exhausting half-decade of legal uncertainty, Team Fortress 2 Classified is now available on Steam! (Steam is a gaming storefront that's kind of dark-blue, like this page is!)
But suppose you haven't heard of us before, or read our About page, or visited our Wiki, or Googled us, or read the nonsen...
But suppose you haven't heard of us before, or read our About page, or visited our Wiki, or Googled us, or read the nonsen...
The Double Down Update (Trailer)
(Screenwriting)
Double Down
Business is Booming!
Thanks to a world tour of billion-dollar backroom deals, and the depreciated property values caused by years of mass murder, the Civilian is well on his way to becoming the richest man on Earth. Only one thing can stand in his way — a miserable upstart who stands to destroy everything Mr. Jenkins has built.
It's... Mr. Jenkins?! But they have so much in common! This must be a terrible misunderstanding. The wheels of inter-corporate diplomacy sp...
Thanks to a world tour of billion-dollar backroom deals, and the depreciated property values caused by years of mass murder, the Civilian is well on his way to becoming the richest man on Earth. Only one thing can stand in his way — a miserable upstart who stands to destroy everything Mr. Jenkins has built.
It's... Mr. Jenkins?! But they have so much in common! This must be a terrible misunderstanding. The wheels of inter-corporate diplomacy sp...
Fight or Flight
Engineers can now switch out their Teleporters for two Jump Pads! Instead of being disassembled and reassembled on the atomic level, teammates can super-jump into battle, covering the same kind of height and distance you'd expect from a perfect rocket jump. One-way drops are now two-way opportunities, explosive jumpers' shortcuts are now valid flank routes, and "I can't focus on keeping my Teleporters up!" is now a...
Being an article writer for Hard Drive, a video games/pop culture satire news site, was a formative experience in working alongside editors, integrating SEO, and maintaining the site's format and "voice" while still letting my own jokes shine through.
Warhammer 40,000: Darktide Level Artist Holding Back Tears as You Slide-Dash Through Hand-Modeled Space Cathedral in 40 Seconds
STOCKHOLM — A level artist on the Warhammer 40,000: Darktide development team, once proud and confident in her value to the project, is reportedly in shambles after learning you spent less than a minute in the grand Ecclesiarchal space-church her team spent six weeks designing from scratch.
“A Master’s degree in game development from Skövde, a Bachelor’s in interior design from Lund, three years in France studying the finer points of Gothic architecture, and people just… sprint through my levels...
“A Master’s degree in game development from Skövde, a Bachelor’s in interior design from Lund, three years in France studying the finer points of Gothic architecture, and people just… sprint through my levels...
Tom Lets Out Weary Sigh After Walking Into Kitchen and Noticing Cheese Grater Isn't Part of the Matte Painting
THE HOUSE — Walking into the kitchen and realizing that he would soon be in danger, sources have confirmed that the long-suffering cartoon housecat Tom of Tom & Jerry fame let out a prolonged, weary sigh upon realizing that a nearby cheese grater was drawn directly onto its own animation cel instead of being painted into the background.
“Oh, man, he’s going to walk right into that room and get hit by the cheese grater,” reported viewer Katie McLaughlin, while Tom conveyed his own feelings on the...
“Oh, man, he’s going to walk right into that room and get hit by the cheese grater,” reported viewer Katie McLaughlin, while Tom conveyed his own feelings on the...
Update: Attack You Landed in 2012 Dark Souls Invasion Just Registered
TOKYO — After more than 11 years of review and deliberation since you pressed L2, the Dark Souls peer-to-peer connection master relay at Bandai Namco Inc. headquarters has determined that, yes, you did land that heavy attack on that guy after all, sources confirmed.
“So he’s standing perfectly still, and I hit him square with the overhead slash on the Zweihander,” you complained to a friend on Xbox Live the day that you performed the attack, according to reports. “And it just phases right throu
“So he’s standing perfectly still, and I hit him square with the overhead slash on the Zweihander,” you complained to a friend on Xbox Live the day that you performed the attack, according to reports. “And it just phases right throu
Guy Telling Parents About Date Clearly Just Describing Pigeon from ‘Hatoful Boyfriend’
PORTLAND, Maine — Local loner Darin Youseman’s story about a date he went on with his boyfriend last Friday was quickly determined by witnesses to actually be about Yuuya Sakazaki, a flirty upperclassman and fantail pigeon from the visual novel series Hatoful Boyfriend.
“He’s an experienced world traveler, stably employed… I think his allegiance to the pacifists in the Dove Party is a little centrist and naive, but hold on hold on — mmmm, mrom, dish ish rullhy good,” Youseman reportedly said, e
“He’s an experienced world traveler, stably employed… I think his allegiance to the pacifists in the Dove Party is a little centrist and naive, but hold on hold on — mmmm, mrom, dish ish rullhy good,” Youseman reportedly said, e
Teenager Emerges From 40-Minute Video Essay With Brand New Personality
BEAVERCREEK, Ohio — Concerned friends report that local high schooler Ricky Dunleavy, 16, has completely reinvented himself aesthetically and ideologically after spending sixth period watching a video essay on his phone.
“I thought I understood Ricky! We were soulmates for a few weeks, and I thought I knew his heart,” said Alison Toole, who was the first to notice Dunleavy’s sudden personality shift. “But then he shows up to class talking in this sotto radio voice about, like, the often-overloo
“I thought I understood Ricky! We were soulmates for a few weeks, and I thought I knew his heart,” said Alison Toole, who was the first to notice Dunleavy’s sudden personality shift. “But then he shows up to class talking in this sotto radio voice about, like, the often-overloo
Sadistic UI Designer Buries Subtitle Option in Crevice of Random Menu
TORONTO — Dark-hearted UI designer Arnold Wright has reportedly placed the subtitle toggle for the upcoming game Lords of Nightshadow in the deepest, most inaccessible crevice of one of the game’s dozens of obscure pause menu subscreens, according to anonymous sources familiar with the development.
“The subtitle setting could have gone under ‘audio,’ of course, but that’s far too easy to find, and I’m not some cheap hack,” said Wright, muttering to himself at his desk as he bumped down the menu
“The subtitle setting could have gone under ‘audio,’ of course, but that’s far too easy to find, and I’m not some cheap hack,” said Wright, muttering to himself at his desk as he bumped down the menu
RPG Player Unsure Whether Their Character Would Say “Of Course!” or “Sure Thing!”
MISSOURI CITY, Texas — Hesitant to make the wrong decision and potentially impact something in the game’s story later on, local gamer Diana Russell is reportedly unsure whether her Fallout 4 player character should accept a required story quest with an enthusiastic “Of course!” or a confident “Sure thing!”
“Obviously the great hero of the Commonwealth’s personality in conversation must be a huge plot element of the game, so the different potential outcomes here could be crucial,” Russell said,
“Obviously the great hero of the Commonwealth’s personality in conversation must be a huge plot element of the game, so the different potential outcomes here could be crucial,” Russell said,
Casual Gamer Can't Even Beat First Stage of Grief
CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. — Twenty-eight year old Liam Glasser, secretly loathed by his friends and loved ones for failing to make meaningful progress in video games, is unable to even overcome the first stage of grieving for his late childhood guinea pig, close sources report.
“Listen, I’m a busy guy, okay?” Glasser said, defending his lack of progress through Denial. “I’ve got important shit to occupy myself worrying about. I’m not like all these no-lifer hardcore grievers who can breeze through the
“Listen, I’m a busy guy, okay?” Glasser said, defending his lack of progress through Denial. “I’ve got important shit to occupy myself worrying about. I’m not like all these no-lifer hardcore grievers who can breeze through the